The energy of avoidance
Let me tell you a story…
My aunt passed away, and I needed help tidying the house before people came over after the funeral. There were lots of pieces of mail and paper around. And, as you may know, when someone passes away, and you are responsible as the executor, handling their bills and paying their taxes, you need to look at every piece of paper to find out the most recent debts. Let me tell you that this was 14 years ago, and my aunt did not pay her bills online, so I needed to open this mail to sort things out.
So my cousin said she would help me organize the house. She came over, and I asked her to handle the mail and papers in the kitchen and living room area. Well, she nicely stacked them, put them in those grocery store plastic bags, and tied the top handles so nothing would fall out.
The best part of this moment happened next. I watched her open the basement door and throw the bags down the stairs. Yup, she did not even turn on the light. She just threw them.
All I could do was say. "Okay". In my head, it explained so much about her life in that one instance. Let me explain; this woman has a couple of master's degrees. She also has three jobs. However, because of this type of avoidance behavior, she, at age 37, had to move back in with her mother because her paycheck was being garnished to the extent that she would only have about $150 bucks left over to use.
The Energy of Avoidance
Do you ever struggle with avoiding tasks you know you need to accomplish to move forward with your daily life and or long-term goals? I used to be that person who was avoidant of taking ownership, living by chance and not by choice. I would wait until the last minute to get work done. I did it with schoolwork as a kid, and that behavior translated into adulthood by avoiding things I thought I would make mistakes doing and that thing would have a crappy outcome. However, the truth behind the avoidance was fear. Many of us who live by chance and not by choice are avoiding taking the bull by the horns of our lives because if the direction we decide to walk toward doesn't work out, then we are judged; we are judged by our family, friends, peers, strangers, whomever. But, most importantly, we are judged the most harshly by our inner critic. And you know as well as I that we are better than anyone at beating ourselves up. We do not need more help.
So, let's dig a little deeper into this energy of avoidance.
Why the energy of avoidance is incredibly problematic
Clearly, the cousin mentioned above is a prime example of the devastating effects that avoidance can have on your life. Avoidance is a coping energy and mechanism we use to avert from embracing complex thoughts, feelings, and situations. It manifests in many different ways, such as procrastination, codependency, and perfectionism, to name a few.
Feeling good in the temporary relief of avoidance is lovely. However, eventually, we land in the abyss of disappointment of "How did I get here again?" This question we ask ourselves is ultimately the fallout of what can only be deemed a toxic behavior that has a grave impact on our physical, emotional, and financial well-being.
How to recognize avoidance in your behavior patterns
Recognizing when you are getting ready to wallow in avoidance can be tricky. It requires a bit of self-awareness to tap into. Here are the top five behaviors you may see yourself starting to do when you have a task you just don't want to do.
You put off tasks until the last minute; even when you know there will be negative consequences.
You make excuses for not doing something, even when you know you're capable.
You avoid difficult conversations or situations, even when you know you need to address them.
You overindulge in unhealthy habits, such as eating junk food, drinking alcohol, or watching TV, to escape your problems.
You constantly compare yourself to others and feel like you're not good enough.
Why avoidance is toxic to your physical and emotional well-being
Avoidance can manifest in many physical and emotional problems. Here's a list of the ways it may be showing up in your life:
Stress
Anxiety
Depression
Insomnia
Headaches
Stomachaches
High blood pressure
Heart disease
Eating disorders
Substance abuse
Emotional avoidance is a biggie. It causes, often irreparable damage to your relationships, romantic, platonic, and career-related. You may be avoiding difficult conversations and situations. In doing so, you're unable to resolve problems or build strong relationships. And when you procrastinate on important tasks, you're more likely to make mistakes and miss deadlines.
Speaking of missing deadlines, let's address the elephant in the room. Not managing your financial responsibilities in a timely manner.
How avoidance affects your finances
I have yet to meet one human being who doesn't have first-hand knowledge of avoidance energy and its negative impact on finances. When you procrastinate on paying bills or filing taxes, you may incur late fees and penalties. And when you avoid making complex financial decisions, such as budgeting or saving for retirement, you may risk your future financial security. Hence, we often see GoFundMe campaigns for many people in dire situations.
Tips and tools for working through avoidance
You can do several things to move beyond the energy of avoidance.
First and foremost, identify your triggers. What are the things that typically make you want to avoid? Once you know your triggers, you can start developing strategies for coping with them in a healthy way.
Challenge your negative thoughts.** When you find yourself avoiding something, ask yourself if your thoughts are realistic. Are you really incapable of doing the task? Are the consequences of avoiding it that bad?
Break down large tasks into smaller steps.** This will make them seem less daunting and more manageable.
Use the Pomodoro Technique by breaking down your daily priorities into 20-25-minute chunks. https://todoist.com/productivity-methods/pomodoro-technique
Set realistic deadlines. ** Try to do only a little at a time.
Reward yourself for completing tasks.** This will help you stay motivated and on track. Your reward doesn't have to be huge. You may have a small square of chocolate, for example.
If you're struggling to overcome avoidance on your own, consider seeking professional help. A therapist can help you identify the root causes of your avoidance and develop coping mechanisms.
How does this connect to getting into energetic alignment with the lifestyle you really want?
The Energy of Avoidance means you're not trusting your gut instincts. The intuitive hits you get may seem random, but they are pings that should be followed through with action. The tiniest action step can move you forward through avoidance and into the light of your energetic alignment with the lifestyle you really want.
Be patient and kind to yourself.
Change doesn't happen overnight.
Tired of watching YouTube videos to piece together the steps to moving forward and eliminating your habit of avoidance? Let me help you. Click the link below to schedule a FREE, consultation to discuss how coaching with me will get you on the better track faster than by yourself.
